Civility and Respect
Civility and Respect? You might be thinking, why a Tuesday Reading on this subject?
I would have thought so too until several essays by Catherine Porath crossed my desk. Porath has studied civility and respect for over two decades. Her studies have clearly demonstrated that civility and being respectful pay off. She writes: “It enhances your influence, and performance and is positively associated with being perceived as a leader.” And, “being respectful doesn’t just benefit you.” Porath found that “when it comes to gathering commitment and engagement from employees, there’s one thing that leaders need to demonstrate: respect.”
And, as you might suspect, there are costs to incivility and disrespect. Porath’s studies reveal that without respect, even if people want to perform well, they simply cannot; performance plummets when incivility occurs. In other experiments, just observing incivility caused outcomes to significantly decrease. People were found to be five times less likely to be attentive to information they see. Incivility taxes working memory, and in doing so, decreases performance on cognitive tasks.
Porath defines civility as behavior involving politeness and regard for others in the workplace. The Institute for Civility in Government is helpful by taking this definition further: “Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one’s preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same. Civility is the hard work of staying present even with those with whom we have deep-rooted and fierce disagreements. … [I]t is about negotiating interpersonal power such that everyone’s voice is heard, and nobody’s ignored.”
Susan Heathfield writes, “Respect is when you feel admiration and deep regard for an individual. You believe that the person is worthy of your regard and admiration because of the good qualities and capabilities that they bring to your workplace.” She goes on to say that you show your respect by acting in ways that show you are aware of your colleagues as people who deserve respect and to be treated with civility.
In her essays, Porath reports that being treated with civility and respect is more important to employees than “recognition and appreciation, communicating an inspiring vision, providing useful feedback or opportunities for learning, growth, and development.”
Her research reports that just over half (54%) of employees claimed that they don’t regularly get respect from their leaders. In a companion study about why individuals are disrespectful and behave uncivilly, over 60% of those surveyed claimed they were overloaded and had no time to be nice. This seemed to Porath to be a “hollow” excuse as being civil and respectful isn’t about the time it takes. It’s about “how” something is conveyed, about the tone, the words, and the non-verbal communication and not something that is separate and taking additional time.
And, 25% said they don’t have a role model for respect and civility in their organization. They just behave as their leaders do. Also, 4% claim that they are uncivil because it’s fun and they can get away with it.
Porath’s studies also revealed that people often don’t realize how being disrespectful and uncivil affect others. She believes that the vast majority of disrespect and uncivil behavior stems from a lack of self-awareness. Daniel Goleman, widely recognized for introducing the term “emotional intelligence” to a wide audience, says that “Self-awareness means having a deep understanding of one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drives. People with strong self-awareness are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful. Rather, they are honest – with themselves and with others.”
And, this brings us to the question what specifically do we do to show respect and civility? We might begin by taking the time to reflect on how we interact with others. Am I self-aware? If not, maybe I need to do work on that skill? If you’re not aware of how you treat others, ask a trusted friend. You might find out, as others have, that there are some things you need to work on. And, if that’s the case, do take the time to clean up your “act.”
[Note: In the list of references at the end of this essay, you’ll find specific lists of behaviors you might choose to work on in the essays by Susan Heathfield, John Hall, Rich Suttle, and Barbara Richman. I’ve also included a link, here, to George Washington’s Rules of Civility & Behavior. While some of our first president’s rules are, from today’s perspective, a bit silly and out of date, many provide valuable lessons for us and lead us to ask questions and reflect.]
If we are “aware,” we can see examples of our own, and others’, incivility and disrespect all the time: yelling, calling people names, insulting others, using vulgar language, arriving late for meetings, gossiping, focusing on your cellphone or laptop while someone is talking, taking a cellphone call during a meeting, etc. When we find ourselves doing these things, we need to stop. And when we see others who are on our team or in our sphere of influence doing them, we need to step up and ask them to stop. Small lapses in behavior, do lead to escalation and small offenses lead to more aggressive bullying and harassment. Then, before you realize it, you find that a zone of disrespect and incivility has been created. And, when that happens your work and that of your organization has been significantly impacted.
I’m a firm believer that each of us can benefit from some self-introspection in this area. Being respectful and civil, in all aspects of one’s life – family, friends, work, and other aspects of our private and public lives – is important. Taking some time now, as the year ends in preparation for the beginning of a new year, to reflect on how we stand would be a good investment for each of us to make.
And, that is what I urge you to do in this holiday season. Best wishes as you celebrate with friends and family in the coming days. The Tuesday Reading will return in the New Year on January 3, 2017.
. . . jim
Jim Bruce is a Senior Fellow and Executive Coach at MOR Associates, and Professor of Electrical Engineering, Emeritus, and CIO, Emeritus, at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, MA.
References:
Civility and Respect
Christine Porath, The Leadership Behavior That’s Most Important to Employees, Harvard Business Review.
Christine Porath, Half of Eq1rmployees Don’t Feel Respected by Their Bosses, Harvard Business Review.
Christine Porath, Alexandra Gerbasi, Sebastian Schorch, The Effects of Civility on Advice, Leadership, and Performance, Journal of Applied Psychology.
Coleen Sharen, Why Civility and Manners Should Matter to Leaders, Thinking is Hard Work.
Susan Heathfield, How to Demonstrate Respect in the Workplace, the balance.
John Hall, 11 Simple Ways To Show Your Employees You Care, Forbes.
Barbara Richman, Ten Tips for Creating Respect and Civility in Your Workplace, Lorman Educational Services.
Rick Shuttle, How to Treat Employees with Respect to Increase Productivity, Chron, the website of the Houston Chronicle.
George Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, Foundations Magazine’s website.
Self-Awareness
Daniel Goleman, What Makes a Leader?, Harvard Business Review.
Paul Jun, Why Self-Awareness Is the Secret Weapon for Habit Change, 99u.com.
- October 2024 (1)
- September 2024 (4)
- August 2024 (4)
- July 2024 (5)
- June 2024 (4)
- May 2024 (4)
- April 2024 (5)
- March 2024 (4)
- February 2024 (4)
- January 2024 (5)
- December 2023 (3)
- November 2023 (4)
- October 2023 (5)
- September 2023 (4)
- August 2023 (4)
- July 2023 (4)
- June 2023 (4)
- May 2023 (5)
- April 2023 (4)
- March 2023 (1)
- January 2023 (4)
- December 2022 (3)
- November 2022 (5)
- October 2022 (4)
- September 2022 (4)
- August 2022 (5)
- July 2022 (4)
- June 2022 (4)
- May 2022 (5)
- April 2022 (4)
- March 2022 (5)
- February 2022 (4)
- January 2022 (4)
- December 2021 (3)
- November 2021 (4)
- October 2021 (3)
- September 2021 (4)
- August 2021 (4)
- July 2021 (4)
- June 2021 (5)
- May 2021 (4)
- April 2021 (4)
- March 2021 (5)
- February 2021 (4)
- January 2021 (4)
- December 2020 (4)
- November 2020 (4)
- October 2020 (6)
- September 2020 (5)
- August 2020 (4)
- July 2020 (7)
- June 2020 (7)
- May 2020 (5)
- April 2020 (4)
- March 2020 (5)
- February 2020 (4)
- January 2020 (4)
- December 2019 (2)
- November 2019 (4)
- October 2019 (4)
- September 2019 (3)
- August 2019 (3)
- July 2019 (2)
- June 2019 (4)
- May 2019 (3)
- April 2019 (5)
- March 2019 (4)
- February 2019 (3)
- January 2019 (5)
- December 2018 (2)
- November 2018 (4)
- October 2018 (5)
- September 2018 (3)
- August 2018 (3)
- July 2018 (4)
- June 2018 (4)
- May 2018 (5)
- April 2018 (4)
- March 2018 (5)
- February 2018 (5)
- January 2018 (3)
- December 2017 (3)
- November 2017 (4)
- October 2017 (5)
- September 2017 (3)
- August 2017 (5)
- July 2017 (3)
- June 2017 (8)
- May 2017 (5)
- April 2017 (4)
- March 2017 (4)
- February 2017 (4)
- January 2017 (4)
- December 2016 (2)
- November 2016 (7)
- October 2016 (5)
- September 2016 (8)
- August 2016 (5)
- July 2016 (4)
- June 2016 (12)
- May 2016 (5)
- April 2016 (4)
- March 2016 (7)
- February 2016 (4)
- January 2016 (10)
- December 2015 (4)
- November 2015 (6)
- October 2015 (4)
- September 2015 (7)
- August 2015 (5)
- July 2015 (6)
- June 2015 (12)
- May 2015 (4)
- April 2015 (6)
- March 2015 (10)
- February 2015 (4)
- January 2015 (4)
- December 2014 (3)
- November 2014 (5)
- October 2014 (4)
- September 2014 (6)
- August 2014 (4)
- July 2014 (4)
- June 2014 (4)
- May 2014 (5)
- April 2014 (5)
- March 2014 (5)
- February 2014 (4)
- January 2014 (5)
- December 2013 (5)
- November 2013 (5)
- October 2013 (10)
- September 2013 (4)
- August 2013 (5)
- July 2013 (8)
- June 2013 (6)
- May 2013 (4)
- April 2013 (5)
- March 2013 (4)
- February 2013 (4)
- January 2013 (5)
- December 2012 (3)
- November 2012 (4)
- October 2012 (5)
- September 2012 (4)
- August 2012 (4)
- July 2012 (5)
- June 2012 (4)
- May 2012 (5)
- April 2012 (4)
- March 2012 (4)
- February 2012 (4)
- January 2012 (4)
- December 2011 (3)
- November 2011 (5)
- October 2011 (4)
- September 2011 (4)
- August 2011 (4)
- July 2011 (4)
- June 2011 (5)
- May 2011 (5)
- April 2011 (3)
- March 2011 (4)
- February 2011 (4)
- January 2011 (4)
- December 2010 (3)
- November 2010 (4)
- October 2010 (4)
- September 2010 (3)
- August 2010 (5)
- July 2010 (4)
- June 2010 (5)
- May 2010 (4)
- April 2010 (3)
- March 2010 (2)
- February 2010 (4)
- January 2010 (4)
- December 2009 (4)
- November 2009 (4)
- October 2009 (4)
- September 2009 (4)
- August 2009 (3)
- July 2009 (3)
- June 2009 (3)
- May 2009 (4)
- April 2009 (4)
- March 2009 (2)
- February 2009 (3)
- January 2009 (3)
- December 2008 (3)
- November 2008 (3)
- October 2008 (3)
- August 2008 (3)
- July 2008 (4)
- May 2008 (2)
- April 2008 (2)
- March 2008 (2)
- February 2008 (1)
- January 2008 (1)
- December 2007 (3)
- November 2007 (3)
- October 2007 (3)
- September 2007 (1)
- August 2007 (2)
- July 2007 (4)
- June 2007 (2)
- May 2007 (3)
- April 2007 (1)
- March 2007 (2)
- February 2007 (2)
- January 2007 (3)
- December 2006 (1)
- November 2006 (1)
- October 2006 (1)
- September 2006 (3)
- August 2006 (1)
- June 2006 (2)
- April 2006 (1)
- March 2006 (1)
- February 2006 (1)
- January 2006 (1)
- December 2005 (1)
- November 2005 (2)
- October 2005 (1)
- August 2005 (1)
- July 2005 (1)
- April 2005 (2)
- March 2005 (4)
- February 2005 (2)
- December 2004 (1)