I’m not very confident….so what?
[Today’s Tuesday Reading is by Mike Sullivan, MOR Associates Program Leader and Leadership Coach. Mike may be reached at [email protected]]
I’m not very confident. Never have been. Always thought I wasn’t. Still think I’m not.
I get anxious and uncomfortable in new or challenging situations. Always have been. Still am.
I’m not alone by any stretch. That’s one you want to let sit a bit and give a little more thought.
Okay, that’s out of the way.
Many of you who are reading this know me. What do you think about my lack of confidence?
If you’re similar to a lot of people I’ve asked, you’d likely say that I seem pretty confident. Some think if I wasn’t confident I probably wouldn’t have experienced and accomplished what I have. Some think I must be confident or I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing. Some think I must be confident if they hear some of my plans. This is also one you want to let sit a bit and give some more thought to.
I’ve studied the topic of confidence over the past few years and I’ve reflected on my life and work experiences as I’ve studied. I’m still only an expert in my own experiences with confidence. I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned in hopes that you may find them helpful to you or someone you know and love who doesn’t feel very confident and can get anxious and uncomfortable when faced with new and challenging situations.
Confidence comes from taking action.
In the MOR programs we talk about mantras. Mine is ‘you do what you did, you get what you’ve got’. If I want to do something new and different then I need to do something new and different. I’ve done that continually throughout my life and career and I’ve been scared s—less a lot in my life as a result of it. However, I don’t have any regrets for taking on something new and with the full benefit of history, knowing that I failed at many things, did a lousy job at many things, and also succeeded at many things. That’s life and that’s growing up. Yes, you can still grow up no matter your age – neuroscience has proven that.
Leverage the experiences and actions of others.
If other people are doing it, it’s doable and I can probably do it. I’ll try to do just about anything myself. I’ve always been a learner. My mom still tells stories about how tired she got answering my most common childhood question – “Why?” If I want to do something I haven’t done, I always go looking for what other people have learned in doing the same thing. People like being asked for help and insight. Take advantage of it.
Be curious.
Take time to understand how the world works. This knowledge helps to increase our confidence. My cousin Roger still talks (not fondly) about the time he caught me trying to remove the back of his turtle to see what was ‘in there’ that made the legs and head move.
Use what you’ve already proven to yourself as the fuel for doing what you haven’t done.
Each new, challenging and uncomfortable thing I take on provides an opportunity to learn, be it from the success or the failures. Each of those lessons informs my next move, a move that will result in something different and maybe something better. The more I do, the more I think I can do. Ask me some time about my experiences in ultrarunning. Our youngest used to attend the track and cross-country meets of her brothers who are a decade older than her. We could always count on her to affirm the wisdom of youth as she yelled ‘you can do it”.
Seek out supportive people that appreciate and value you for what you can do and who you are – there is some magic here.
There are many people in my life who believed in me during good times and when I wasn’t at my best. Seek out those people as they can play a big role in fueling your efforts to take on new, challenging and uncomfortable things. I do believe there is magic in you believing in me and there’s major magic when I am also believing in you.
Ask “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
I’ve asked this so many times and I get the same answer. “You might feel anxious and uncomfortable because this or that might happen.”
This leads me to the most common question I’ve asked in my adult life – SO WHAT? Our biggest regrets in life are not where we’ve tried and failed. Rather, our biggest regrets are when we never even tried. Don’t let lack of confidence get in the way of achieving your life’s goals.
I’m not very confident…so what?
- December 2024 (1)
- November 2024 (4)
- October 2024 (5)
- September 2024 (4)
- August 2024 (4)
- July 2024 (5)
- June 2024 (4)
- May 2024 (4)
- April 2024 (5)
- March 2024 (4)
- February 2024 (4)
- January 2024 (5)
- December 2023 (3)
- November 2023 (4)
- October 2023 (5)
- September 2023 (4)
- August 2023 (4)
- July 2023 (4)
- June 2023 (4)
- May 2023 (5)
- April 2023 (4)
- March 2023 (1)
- January 2023 (4)
- December 2022 (3)
- November 2022 (5)
- October 2022 (4)
- September 2022 (4)
- August 2022 (5)
- July 2022 (4)
- June 2022 (4)
- May 2022 (5)
- April 2022 (4)
- March 2022 (5)
- February 2022 (4)
- January 2022 (4)
- December 2021 (3)
- November 2021 (4)
- October 2021 (3)
- September 2021 (4)
- August 2021 (4)
- July 2021 (4)
- June 2021 (5)
- May 2021 (4)
- April 2021 (4)
- March 2021 (5)
- February 2021 (4)
- January 2021 (4)
- December 2020 (4)
- November 2020 (4)
- October 2020 (6)
- September 2020 (5)
- August 2020 (4)
- July 2020 (7)
- June 2020 (7)
- May 2020 (5)
- April 2020 (4)
- March 2020 (5)
- February 2020 (4)
- January 2020 (4)
- December 2019 (2)
- November 2019 (4)
- October 2019 (4)
- September 2019 (3)
- August 2019 (3)
- July 2019 (2)
- June 2019 (4)
- May 2019 (3)
- April 2019 (5)
- March 2019 (4)
- February 2019 (3)
- January 2019 (5)
- December 2018 (2)
- November 2018 (4)
- October 2018 (5)
- September 2018 (3)
- August 2018 (3)
- July 2018 (4)
- June 2018 (4)
- May 2018 (5)
- April 2018 (4)
- March 2018 (5)
- February 2018 (5)
- January 2018 (3)
- December 2017 (3)
- November 2017 (4)
- October 2017 (5)
- September 2017 (3)
- August 2017 (5)
- July 2017 (3)
- June 2017 (8)
- May 2017 (5)
- April 2017 (4)
- March 2017 (4)
- February 2017 (4)
- January 2017 (4)
- December 2016 (2)
- November 2016 (7)
- October 2016 (5)
- September 2016 (8)
- August 2016 (5)
- July 2016 (4)
- June 2016 (12)
- May 2016 (5)
- April 2016 (4)
- March 2016 (7)
- February 2016 (4)
- January 2016 (10)
- December 2015 (4)
- November 2015 (6)
- October 2015 (4)
- September 2015 (7)
- August 2015 (5)
- July 2015 (6)
- June 2015 (12)
- May 2015 (4)
- April 2015 (6)
- March 2015 (10)
- February 2015 (4)
- January 2015 (4)
- December 2014 (3)
- November 2014 (5)
- October 2014 (4)
- September 2014 (6)
- August 2014 (4)
- July 2014 (4)
- June 2014 (4)
- May 2014 (5)
- April 2014 (5)
- March 2014 (5)
- February 2014 (4)
- January 2014 (5)
- December 2013 (5)
- November 2013 (5)
- October 2013 (10)
- September 2013 (4)
- August 2013 (5)
- July 2013 (8)
- June 2013 (6)
- May 2013 (4)
- April 2013 (5)
- March 2013 (4)
- February 2013 (4)
- January 2013 (5)
- December 2012 (3)
- November 2012 (4)
- October 2012 (5)
- September 2012 (4)
- August 2012 (4)
- July 2012 (5)
- June 2012 (4)
- May 2012 (5)
- April 2012 (4)
- March 2012 (4)
- February 2012 (4)
- January 2012 (4)
- December 2011 (3)
- November 2011 (5)
- October 2011 (4)
- September 2011 (4)
- August 2011 (4)
- July 2011 (4)
- June 2011 (5)
- May 2011 (5)
- April 2011 (3)
- March 2011 (4)
- February 2011 (4)
- January 2011 (4)
- December 2010 (3)
- November 2010 (4)
- October 2010 (4)
- September 2010 (3)
- August 2010 (5)
- July 2010 (4)
- June 2010 (5)
- May 2010 (4)
- April 2010 (3)
- March 2010 (2)
- February 2010 (4)
- January 2010 (4)
- December 2009 (4)
- November 2009 (4)
- October 2009 (4)
- September 2009 (4)
- August 2009 (3)
- July 2009 (3)
- June 2009 (3)
- May 2009 (4)
- April 2009 (4)
- March 2009 (2)
- February 2009 (3)
- January 2009 (3)
- December 2008 (3)
- November 2008 (3)
- October 2008 (3)
- August 2008 (3)
- July 2008 (4)
- May 2008 (2)
- April 2008 (2)
- March 2008 (2)
- February 2008 (1)
- January 2008 (1)
- December 2007 (3)
- November 2007 (3)
- October 2007 (3)
- September 2007 (1)
- August 2007 (2)
- July 2007 (4)
- June 2007 (2)
- May 2007 (3)
- April 2007 (1)
- March 2007 (2)
- February 2007 (2)
- January 2007 (3)
- December 2006 (1)
- November 2006 (1)
- October 2006 (1)
- September 2006 (3)
- August 2006 (1)
- June 2006 (2)
- April 2006 (1)
- March 2006 (1)
- February 2006 (1)
- January 2006 (1)
- December 2005 (1)
- November 2005 (2)
- October 2005 (1)
- August 2005 (1)
- July 2005 (1)
- April 2005 (2)
- March 2005 (4)
- February 2005 (2)
- December 2004 (1)