Today’s Tuesday Reading is from Ajinkya Lonkar, Senior Data Integration Engineer, RAID, at Harvard University and a MOR program participant. Ajinkya may be reached at [email protected] or via LinkedIn.
Being indispensable feels flattering, but building independence is actually more valuable.
I’ve always taken a lot of pride in being “helpful.” If someone pings me with a question, I answer it quickly. If a problem pops up, I jump in. If there’s ambiguity, I try to clarify it. I like being the person people can rely on.
But recently, I started wondering: at what point does being helpful quietly turn into being a bottleneck?
Being Indispensible
It hit me during a day that felt like death by a thousand pings. I had back-to-back meetings, and in the few minutes between them, I was answering questions and reviewing quick drafts. By the end of the day, I realized something a little uncomfortable: I had helped a lot of people move their work forward, but I had made almost no progress on my own.
That alone might just be a busy day. But then I noticed a pattern:
The same types of questions kept coming to me. The same documents came back around for “one last review.” It wasn’t just that I was busy—it was that I had quietly become part of the process in ways I didn’t need to be.
If I’m honest, there’s an ego boost in being the person everyone comes to. It feels good to be needed. But there’s a downside: when I’m at the center of everything, I’m also a single point of failure. If I’m out, people stall. If my day derails, so does progress for others.
Building Independence
So I started reframing what “helpful” looks like.
Instead of asking, “How can I solve this for you right now?”, I’ve started trying to ask, “How can I help you not need me for this next time?”
That shift changes the behavior:
- Instead of giving the quick answer, I point to where the information lives and make sure it’s actually documented.
- Instead of offering to “just take it on,” I ask, “What would help you feel confident doing this yourself?”
It takes a bit more time upfront and a bit more patience. It also requires me to let go of the need to be in the middle of everything and accept that people might do things differently than I would. But that’s the point: if I’m truly leading well, the work should be able to move forward without me being in every loop.
So, my personal experiment going forward is to notice when my instinct is to jump in and fix, and instead ask myself: “Is this a chance to remove myself from the critical path?” If the answer is yes, then the most helpful thing I can do isn’t to take it on it, it’s to enable someone else to carry it without me.
What have you found most effective in building increased independence in your team?
Last week, we asked what has most led to the personal growth you are most grateful for as a leader.
- 30% said a mentor or coach investing in you
- 27% said a stretch assignment
- 21% said persevering through a struggle
- 14% said colleagues who encouraged you
- 8% said workshops or other education
Our biggest personal growth has stemmed from times when we were intentionally deeply engaged. This could be coaching, mentoring, a stretch assignment, or a struggle. The more we invest, the more potential we have for growth. How are you intentionally investing in your growth?
