One of the most important capabilities a leader can develop is self-awareness. Leaders who understand how their behaviors, assumptions, and reactions affect others are better positioned to build trust, make sound decisions, and create stronger teams.
Why is Self-Awareness Important In Leadership?
Developing self-awareness as a leader allows us to better understand the impact our behaviors and decisions have on others. Consider this question: Are you aware of your impact on others?
If you answered “yes,” you aren’t alone. Over the past five years, I’ve asked over 500 leaders this same question before workshops focused on leadership and feedback. The results are consistent: the vast majority consider it a strength.
Interestingly, when asked about seeking feedback, most of those same leaders rate themselves as adequate at best. Putting those two things together is always a head-scratcher for me. We believe we know our impact, yet so often we don’t ask. So, how do we really know?
For example, a leader might leave a meeting believing they were clear and supportive, while others experienced the conversation as abrupt or dismissive. Without feedback or reflection, that gap between intent and impact can persist.
What the Data Tells Us
Curious to dig deeper, I pulled the aggregate scores from our most recent 360 leadership assessments. Aside from the “Developing Talent” section (a topic for a future Tuesday Reading), the two lowest-scoring behaviors were:
- Understands others by putting themselves in their position.
- Seeks feedback about their actions.
The second point confirms what was shared above—we generally do not seek feedback, and this additional data suggests that others know it as well. This first point, in understanding others, also has alignment with the prior example, in assuming we know our impact on others. They both involve the stories we tell ourselves about others. The 360 assessment results also include comparisons of self-score with other groups, including direct reports.
I began looking into variances in aggregate. My work so far reveals that the area with the highest variance (where the self-score was higher than direct reports) is “Understands others by putting themselves in their position”. More than any other area of this leadership assessment, leaders’ self-belief in others’ situations outweighs what their direct reports believe to be true.
The Danger of the Unchecked Narrative
Storytelling is human nature. Our brains are pattern-making machines that use narratives to make sense of the world. This serves us well, until it goes unchecked. Because we know our own stories so well, we assume imagining the stories of others isn’t too far of a stretch.
The risk comes with misinformed actions. In the 360 assessment data, two of the next lowest aggregate scores came from the Leading Change section, in “Exercises influence to move issues forward” and “Knows how to navigate the political landscape.” These are areas that can only be improved by learning more before acting. When we ask leaders why they don’t take these additional steps, we hear that it extends timelines or feels challenging. But mostly, they think they already know the impact they have, others’ position, or story. We are making too many assumptions. We believe we understand others more than we likely do. We will act on illusions of competence and can falsely place blame externally. As leaders, as people, we need to close this gap.
Flipping the Script
Can we start by inquiring and learning rather than assuming? Here are three starter questions to help you close the gap between self awareness and leadership and be more present as a leader. Try them for a month and let us know how it goes.
1. How do I/we know?
When you find yourself making definitive statements or playing out a narrative about someone else, ask: “How do I know?” Do this with your team, too. When they make statements about stakeholders or audiences, ask: “How do we know?” This simple question can unlock alternative scenarios and can be the first layer of defense against false assumptions.
2. How can I/we learn more?
When you find yourself moving fast, this question can help you pause. Building the practice of asking how you can learn more can create space to stay open. We’ve confirmed above that we can all get better at seeking feedback; let’s build practices that help us gain the perspectives we need to act on intentionally, not based on assumptions.
3. How did I/we do?
Regardless of your success with the first two questions, can you give yourself a few minutes at the end of each day, or time at the end of your week, to think about how you did that day/week, what assumptions you made, and what you learned? We are all driving toward outcomes, but we don’t always check the rear-view mirror. This small reflection practice can help us better align beliefs, actions, and results for the week ahead.
The most effective leaders are not the ones who know everything—they are the ones who understand themselves. A useful leadership question to ask yourself: What feedback might help you see your leadership more clearly?
What is the greatest risk when leaders lead with assumptions instead of inquiry?
Last week, we asked which best describes your current leading-managing-doing ratio.
- 55% said I want to lead more
- 13% said I want to manage more
- 8% said I want to do more
- 23% said I am relatively happy with my balance
Congratulations and good job to the (roughly) one in four respondents to last week’s survey who indicated you’ve achieved a happy balance of leading-managing-doing. Bravo for your intentionality and the fruits of those labors. For the rest of us, the majority want to focus on leading more. What specific behaviors are you modeling when you lead more? What is one specific thing you could do this week to lead more? If you’re not sure where to start, draw inspiration from today’s reading and perhaps find ways to become more self-aware of the leadership your team needs.
Sean McDonald is President of MOR Associates. He may be reached at [email protected] or via LinkedIn.