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6 steps to Resolve cConflict

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| July 10, 2012

by Jim Bruce

Today’s Reading is a blog entry “6 steps to resolve conflict”by Robert Pagliarini which appeared recently  on the CBS News MoneyWatch website.  Pagliarini works to inspire others to live life to the fullest by challenging the way they invest their time and energy.

We all experience conflict and the emotional turmoil that ensues.  So, what can one do to regain your equilibrium in such a situation?  Pagliarini suggests a six step process that you may find helpful:

1.  DRILL DOWN – When you are upset, your emotions come full-on.  Your first task s to regain your focus by drilling down to identify the one thing you are most upset about.  What’s at the core;  what’s the root cause.  “The answer will have a profound effect on how you handle the situation.”

2.  GET POSITIVE – When you are upset, your nature is to go negative, why did he do that to me?  It is very hard to resolve a conflict if you believe the other person is out to get you.  Turn the situation around.  Search for the positive outcome the other individual was trying to achieve.

3.  STEP IN THEIR SHOES – Pretend you are the other person and answer three questions:

     – What are your goals?

     – Which human need – Certainty, Uncertainty/variety, Significance, Love/connection, Growth, Contribution?

     – What must I have been thinking and feeling in order to act as I did  (remember, positive intent)?

4.  RUB THE “MAGIC GENIE” LAMP – Exactly, what is it that you need to have happen.  Focus on the minimum you really need to have for the conflict resolved.  

5.  CREATE A GAME PLAN – What can you do to increase the likelihood that what you need to have happen does happen.  Focus on what you can control.  Schedule a meeting.  Have a civil conversation.  Take responsibility for what you should have done differently.  Create a situation to move the situation forward.

6.  EXECUTE – Go get it done.

Conflicts occur.  The next time you are in one give this process a try.  I believe you will find it helpful.

Have a great week.  .  .  .   jim

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