Becoming More Resilient
[Today’s Tuesday Reading is from Jim Bruce, Senior Fellow and Executive Coach at MOR Associates. He previously was Professor of Electrical Engineering, and Vice President for Information Systems and CIO at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, MA. He may be reached at [email protected].]
Resilience1 is the psychological strength that allows people to be knocked down by life and come back at least as strong as before. It has been called a mental reservoir of strength that individuals can call on in times of difficulty to carry them forward without falling apart. After misfortune, resilient people are able to change course and move toward achieving their goals. It is believed that resilient individuals are better able to handle such adversity and rebuild their lives after a catastrophe.
And, let me be clear, catastrophes come in all sizes to all people. It may be the personal catastrophe of missing the anniversary of a significant event in a family member’s life, or not delivering a key project on time, or providing incorrect advice or information. Or, it could be your performance in a joint activity such as striking out every time you were at bat in a pick-up baseball game in your after-work summer league. Or, the way your major presentation at the company’s technical conference came across. Or, a major weather event. The list is endless with small and large, personal and work-related instances.
We all have experiences such as these. Because of what we have experienced, or seen others experience, we may often enter new experiences with a lot of anticipation, more focused on what could go wrong and how to avoid that, than on getting it right.
Yet, while some of us may come “un-glued” in the face of the possibility or the actuality of things-going-bad, others are able to remain calm and continue forward. These individuals who remain calm have what psychologists call resilience, the ability to cope with problems, setbacks, and failure. Kendra Cherry2 states it this way: “Resilient people are able to utilize their skills and strengths to cope and recover from problems and challenges.”
She continues, “Those who lack this resilience may instead become overwhelmed by such experiences. They may dwell on problems and use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges. Disappointment or failure might drive them to unhealthy, destructive, or even dangerous behaviors. These individuals are slower to recover from setbacks and many experience more psychological distress as a result.”2
The good news is that resilience can be cultivated. And, that is the subject of this essay. The Wikipedia essay on psychological resilience3 is a good place to begin. It points out that psychological resilience exists in people who develop psychological and behavioral capabilities that allow them to remain calm during times of all manner of chaos and crisis, and to move on from the incident without long-term negative consequences. So, how might we do that.
The American Psychological Association paper Building Your Resilience,4 suggests that we build our resilience by doing work-on-self in a number of areas:
- Strengthening relationships. Relationships with understanding individuals, including your spouse or partner, can remind you that you are not alone in whatever difficulty you are experiencing at the moment. Such relationships will assist you in examining your feelings, evaluating their validity, and strengthening your resilience. Having strong relationships with people who truly care about you will reduce any tendency you might have to withdraw.
- Join a group. In addition to having one-on-one relationships, most individuals will benefit from being involved with some, perhaps regular, group activities, such as a civic group, faith-based activities, an after-work sports team, etc. Being involved in such groups can help you regain hope and your sense of purpose when you need it.
- Take care of your body. The stress that you are experiencing is as much physical as it is emotional. So, it is crucial that you develop good nutrition, ample sleep, hydration and regular exercise practices. This will strengthen your body as it adapts to the stress you are experiencing and also help reduce the anxiety and depression you may be encountering.
- Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness5 “means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and the surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.” As you pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, you do it without judgment. Some find journaling, or spiritual practices such as prayer or meditation, etc., helpful in building connections and restoring hope. As you do this, it is helpful to focus on the positive things in your life and that which you are grateful for.
- Avoid the negative. For some, it is tempting to turn to drugs and alcohol to help mask your pain. Focus instead on giving your body resources to manage the stress rather than trying to eliminate it temporarily.
- Help others. By simply helping another person who is in need, you gain a sense of purpose, foster self-worth, connect with others, and deliver actual help, and you grow in resilience.
- Be proactive. It is important that you acknowledge and accept the feelings and emotions you have. However, perhaps more important, you need to ask yourself what you can do about your problem. If the problem is too big to tackle all at once, break it into manageable pieces and address them one-by-one.
- Move towards your goals. Develop realistic goals, create the necessary plans and deliberately move toward the things you want to accomplish.
- Embrace healthy thoughts. Keep things in perspective; don’t wander off into the irrational. Accept change, even that which you cannot control. It’s a natural part of life. Be hopeful. Learn from your past.
- Seek help. No one of us has all the answers. So, be open to asking for help. It’s always been a surprise to me to experience how willing others are to help me by sharing their time and their skills. All you need to do is ask.
We all can benefit from becoming more resilient. While this list of ten items to work on may (it actually will) seem daunting, I encourage you to make a plan to work on them, perhaps focusing on one each week over the coming weeks. And, I also want to urge you to make the necessary notes in your calendar now and to commit a small part of each week’s time to this important piece of your work on yourself.
I hope that you and your team will make your week a truly great one.
. . . . . jim
References:
1. Psychology Today, What is Resilience?
2. Kendra Cherry, The Importance of Resilience, verywellmind, November 2019.
3. Wikipedia, Psychological Resilience.
4. American Psychological Association, Building Your Resilience, February 2020.
5. Greater Good Magazine, What Is Mindfulness?
Other Readings:
1. Kira Newman, Five Science-Backed Strategies to Build Resilience, The Greater Good Magazine, University of California – Berkeley, November 2016.
2. Mayo Clinic Staff, Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship – Mayo Clinic.
- October 2024 (1)
- September 2024 (4)
- August 2024 (4)
- July 2024 (5)
- June 2024 (4)
- May 2024 (4)
- April 2024 (5)
- March 2024 (4)
- February 2024 (4)
- January 2024 (5)
- December 2023 (3)
- November 2023 (4)
- October 2023 (5)
- September 2023 (4)
- August 2023 (4)
- July 2023 (4)
- June 2023 (4)
- May 2023 (5)
- April 2023 (4)
- March 2023 (1)
- January 2023 (4)
- December 2022 (3)
- November 2022 (5)
- October 2022 (4)
- September 2022 (4)
- August 2022 (5)
- July 2022 (4)
- June 2022 (4)
- May 2022 (5)
- April 2022 (4)
- March 2022 (5)
- February 2022 (4)
- January 2022 (4)
- December 2021 (3)
- November 2021 (4)
- October 2021 (3)
- September 2021 (4)
- August 2021 (4)
- July 2021 (4)
- June 2021 (5)
- May 2021 (4)
- April 2021 (4)
- March 2021 (5)
- February 2021 (4)
- January 2021 (4)
- December 2020 (4)
- November 2020 (4)
- October 2020 (6)
- September 2020 (5)
- August 2020 (4)
- July 2020 (7)
- June 2020 (7)
- May 2020 (5)
- April 2020 (4)
- March 2020 (5)
- February 2020 (4)
- January 2020 (4)
- December 2019 (2)
- November 2019 (4)
- October 2019 (4)
- September 2019 (3)
- August 2019 (3)
- July 2019 (2)
- June 2019 (4)
- May 2019 (3)
- April 2019 (5)
- March 2019 (4)
- February 2019 (3)
- January 2019 (5)
- December 2018 (2)
- November 2018 (4)
- October 2018 (5)
- September 2018 (3)
- August 2018 (3)
- July 2018 (4)
- June 2018 (4)
- May 2018 (5)
- April 2018 (4)
- March 2018 (5)
- February 2018 (5)
- January 2018 (3)
- December 2017 (3)
- November 2017 (4)
- October 2017 (5)
- September 2017 (3)
- August 2017 (5)
- July 2017 (3)
- June 2017 (8)
- May 2017 (5)
- April 2017 (4)
- March 2017 (4)
- February 2017 (4)
- January 2017 (4)
- December 2016 (2)
- November 2016 (7)
- October 2016 (5)
- September 2016 (8)
- August 2016 (5)
- July 2016 (4)
- June 2016 (12)
- May 2016 (5)
- April 2016 (4)
- March 2016 (7)
- February 2016 (4)
- January 2016 (10)
- December 2015 (4)
- November 2015 (6)
- October 2015 (4)
- September 2015 (7)
- August 2015 (5)
- July 2015 (6)
- June 2015 (12)
- May 2015 (4)
- April 2015 (6)
- March 2015 (10)
- February 2015 (4)
- January 2015 (4)
- December 2014 (3)
- November 2014 (5)
- October 2014 (4)
- September 2014 (6)
- August 2014 (4)
- July 2014 (4)
- June 2014 (4)
- May 2014 (5)
- April 2014 (5)
- March 2014 (5)
- February 2014 (4)
- January 2014 (5)
- December 2013 (5)
- November 2013 (5)
- October 2013 (10)
- September 2013 (4)
- August 2013 (5)
- July 2013 (8)
- June 2013 (6)
- May 2013 (4)
- April 2013 (5)
- March 2013 (4)
- February 2013 (4)
- January 2013 (5)
- December 2012 (3)
- November 2012 (4)
- October 2012 (5)
- September 2012 (4)
- August 2012 (4)
- July 2012 (5)
- June 2012 (4)
- May 2012 (5)
- April 2012 (4)
- March 2012 (4)
- February 2012 (4)
- January 2012 (4)
- December 2011 (3)
- November 2011 (5)
- October 2011 (4)
- September 2011 (4)
- August 2011 (4)
- July 2011 (4)
- June 2011 (5)
- May 2011 (5)
- April 2011 (3)
- March 2011 (4)
- February 2011 (4)
- January 2011 (4)
- December 2010 (3)
- November 2010 (4)
- October 2010 (4)
- September 2010 (3)
- August 2010 (5)
- July 2010 (4)
- June 2010 (5)
- May 2010 (4)
- April 2010 (3)
- March 2010 (2)
- February 2010 (4)
- January 2010 (4)
- December 2009 (4)
- November 2009 (4)
- October 2009 (4)
- September 2009 (4)
- August 2009 (3)
- July 2009 (3)
- June 2009 (3)
- May 2009 (4)
- April 2009 (4)
- March 2009 (2)
- February 2009 (3)
- January 2009 (3)
- December 2008 (3)
- November 2008 (3)
- October 2008 (3)
- August 2008 (3)
- July 2008 (4)
- May 2008 (2)
- April 2008 (2)
- March 2008 (2)
- February 2008 (1)
- January 2008 (1)
- December 2007 (3)
- November 2007 (3)
- October 2007 (3)
- September 2007 (1)
- August 2007 (2)
- July 2007 (4)
- June 2007 (2)
- May 2007 (3)
- April 2007 (1)
- March 2007 (2)
- February 2007 (2)
- January 2007 (3)
- December 2006 (1)
- November 2006 (1)
- October 2006 (1)
- September 2006 (3)
- August 2006 (1)
- June 2006 (2)
- April 2006 (1)
- March 2006 (1)
- February 2006 (1)
- January 2006 (1)
- December 2005 (1)
- November 2005 (2)
- October 2005 (1)
- August 2005 (1)
- July 2005 (1)
- April 2005 (2)
- March 2005 (4)
- February 2005 (2)
- December 2004 (1)