When is feedback a gift?
[Today’s Tuesday Reading is from Vijay Menta, CIO of Middlebury College. Vijay may be reached at [email protected].]
MOR has taught many important leadership lessons that are often repeated by many of us and sometimes used as a mantra in our everyday conversation. One that is often repeated: feedback is a gift. While I firmly believe that feedback is a gift, I always felt that phrase was incomplete without a qualifier or further clarification. It may sound odd, but it occurred to me recently this phrase purely reflects the viewpoint of the person who is giving the feedback, not of the one that is receiving the feedback. I am digging into my hypothesis to see if I got that right.
Feedback is a gift. There are two keywords in there, feedback and gift. Most feedback can be broadly categorized into three categories. Affirmative feedback, constructive feedback, and critical feedback. Affirmative feedback provides the recipient with the necessary energy boost and validates their work. Constructive feedback provides the recipient with feedback accompanied by solutions or suggestions for improvement. The giver of the feedback means well and is supporting the recipient. Whether it is a professional setting or a personal setting, giving and receiving feedback is a common practice and many of us are very comfortable providing positive constructive feedback without any hesitation. Critical feedback is often very direct and rarely offers any solutions with feedback. It may even feel like a personal attack.
Now, let’s examine the second keyword. Gift. Let’s start with a simple question. How is a gift usually delivered? Even the tiniest gifts are packaged well. Now combine the art of packaging with delivery. With a world-class delivery and exquisite packaging, we have a winner that the recipient will remember. The recipient may forget the exact feedback received, but will never forget the way you made them feel. That is the most important thing in my opinion when providing feedback. They need to feel supported, not attacked.
Keeping those in mind, I went down the path of analyzing some situations that I have encountered in my professional career that further explain why “packaging” is important. The biggest discovery for me is that the “packaging” that is needed to deliver a gift differs from one individual to another. When the giver understands the recipient, the “packaging” of the feedback can be customized. If done right, the “packaging” is customized and the feedback essentially turns into a treasured gift. So how does one understand the other? Here is what I have done in the past.
When I took on the role as a CIO at Middlebury College, as a team we focused on understanding individual leadership profiles by completing DiSC profiles and openly sharing with each other. During one of our leadership retreats, we discussed what it means to work with various personality types. Whether DiSC or some other personality assessment, it is an important part of understanding how to work with each other. What works with one colleague may not work with everyone. We all have distinct personalities. A direct approach may work for some while others may prefer coaching, mentoring, or affirmation.
I am NOT doubting feedback is a gift. I have the utmost respect for the phrase and I have kept all my 360 surveys for the last 20 years. I have hugely benefited by receiving feedback from my coaches, mentors, and colleagues. I am also fortunate most feedback was well packaged and customized to suit my personality type. I always felt they were looking out for my growth and continuous improvement. However, on the flip side, when the feedback was really not packaged well, it neither helped me grow nor inspired me to improve.
In my earlier post, Hiring Good to Great Leaders, I mentioned it is more important to have a strong team than a single superstar. Everyone is not going to be a superstar. We need to respect each other and play off everyone’s strengths and build a stronger cohesive team. This is why the packaging of feedback becomes critical. If the giver of the feedback customizes the feedback accordingly, it can build a super cohesive strong team.
The other element I discovered while diving into this analysis is that there is a responsibility on the receiver too. A tense situation may be avoided if the recipient also invests in understanding the intent of the feedback. Questions could be as simple as:
- Thank you for your feedback. I understand we have not met your expectations. Could we take time to dive into details and create a plan to improve going forward?
- Thank you for your feedback. I would like to acknowledge that your feedback is valuable to identify the problem. However, I would like to partner with you and your team to collaborate on a workable solution going forward. Can I set up a quick meeting?
- Thank you for your feedback. I was not aware of this situation until you brought it to my attention. I would like to reflect on your feedback, consult with my team, and come back to brainstorm further on solutions that can be mutually beneficial.
In summary, I also want to point out that there are several expert articles on this subject. As I continue my leadership journey, I always try to improve on the art of giving and receiving feedback. No matter how well we are prepared, it is good to note Jim Bruce’s excellent article which is as relevant today as it was 12 years ago. I highly recommend keeping this article on How to Handle Surprise Criticism in your backpack for those unexpected situations.
I hope you can reflect on what I have said here and consider your experiences to grow and make feedback the gift it truly can be. Have a great week ahead my friends!
This Week’s Survey Which one is your favorite gift? |
From Last Week Last week, we asked about being able to can say “no” as often as you should to achieve your desired balance?
Congratulations! 3 in 4 of us feel we’re generally able to say “no” when needed. This is such an important skill to prioritize our only truly limited resource: our time. For those of us who sometimes find this a struggle, check out The Art of Saying No by our own Jim Bruce. |
- October 2024 (1)
- September 2024 (4)
- August 2024 (4)
- July 2024 (5)
- June 2024 (4)
- May 2024 (4)
- April 2024 (5)
- March 2024 (4)
- February 2024 (4)
- January 2024 (5)
- December 2023 (3)
- November 2023 (4)
- October 2023 (5)
- September 2023 (4)
- August 2023 (4)
- July 2023 (4)
- June 2023 (4)
- May 2023 (5)
- April 2023 (4)
- March 2023 (1)
- January 2023 (4)
- December 2022 (3)
- November 2022 (5)
- October 2022 (4)
- September 2022 (4)
- August 2022 (5)
- July 2022 (4)
- June 2022 (4)
- May 2022 (5)
- April 2022 (4)
- March 2022 (5)
- February 2022 (4)
- January 2022 (4)
- December 2021 (3)
- November 2021 (4)
- October 2021 (3)
- September 2021 (4)
- August 2021 (4)
- July 2021 (4)
- June 2021 (5)
- May 2021 (4)
- April 2021 (4)
- March 2021 (5)
- February 2021 (4)
- January 2021 (4)
- December 2020 (4)
- November 2020 (4)
- October 2020 (6)
- September 2020 (5)
- August 2020 (4)
- July 2020 (7)
- June 2020 (7)
- May 2020 (5)
- April 2020 (4)
- March 2020 (5)
- February 2020 (4)
- January 2020 (4)
- December 2019 (2)
- November 2019 (4)
- October 2019 (4)
- September 2019 (3)
- August 2019 (3)
- July 2019 (2)
- June 2019 (4)
- May 2019 (3)
- April 2019 (5)
- March 2019 (4)
- February 2019 (3)
- January 2019 (5)
- December 2018 (2)
- November 2018 (4)
- October 2018 (5)
- September 2018 (3)
- August 2018 (3)
- July 2018 (4)
- June 2018 (4)
- May 2018 (5)
- April 2018 (4)
- March 2018 (5)
- February 2018 (5)
- January 2018 (3)
- December 2017 (3)
- November 2017 (4)
- October 2017 (5)
- September 2017 (3)
- August 2017 (5)
- July 2017 (3)
- June 2017 (8)
- May 2017 (5)
- April 2017 (4)
- March 2017 (4)
- February 2017 (4)
- January 2017 (4)
- December 2016 (2)
- November 2016 (7)
- October 2016 (5)
- September 2016 (8)
- August 2016 (5)
- July 2016 (4)
- June 2016 (12)
- May 2016 (5)
- April 2016 (4)
- March 2016 (7)
- February 2016 (4)
- January 2016 (10)
- December 2015 (4)
- November 2015 (6)
- October 2015 (4)
- September 2015 (7)
- August 2015 (5)
- July 2015 (6)
- June 2015 (12)
- May 2015 (4)
- April 2015 (6)
- March 2015 (10)
- February 2015 (4)
- January 2015 (4)
- December 2014 (3)
- November 2014 (5)
- October 2014 (4)
- September 2014 (6)
- August 2014 (4)
- July 2014 (4)
- June 2014 (4)
- May 2014 (5)
- April 2014 (5)
- March 2014 (5)
- February 2014 (4)
- January 2014 (5)
- December 2013 (5)
- November 2013 (5)
- October 2013 (10)
- September 2013 (4)
- August 2013 (5)
- July 2013 (8)
- June 2013 (6)
- May 2013 (4)
- April 2013 (5)
- March 2013 (4)
- February 2013 (4)
- January 2013 (5)
- December 2012 (3)
- November 2012 (4)
- October 2012 (5)
- September 2012 (4)
- August 2012 (4)
- July 2012 (5)
- June 2012 (4)
- May 2012 (5)
- April 2012 (4)
- March 2012 (4)
- February 2012 (4)
- January 2012 (4)
- December 2011 (3)
- November 2011 (5)
- October 2011 (4)
- September 2011 (4)
- August 2011 (4)
- July 2011 (4)
- June 2011 (5)
- May 2011 (5)
- April 2011 (3)
- March 2011 (4)
- February 2011 (4)
- January 2011 (4)
- December 2010 (3)
- November 2010 (4)
- October 2010 (4)
- September 2010 (3)
- August 2010 (5)
- July 2010 (4)
- June 2010 (5)
- May 2010 (4)
- April 2010 (3)
- March 2010 (2)
- February 2010 (4)
- January 2010 (4)
- December 2009 (4)
- November 2009 (4)
- October 2009 (4)
- September 2009 (4)
- August 2009 (3)
- July 2009 (3)
- June 2009 (3)
- May 2009 (4)
- April 2009 (4)
- March 2009 (2)
- February 2009 (3)
- January 2009 (3)
- December 2008 (3)
- November 2008 (3)
- October 2008 (3)
- August 2008 (3)
- July 2008 (4)
- May 2008 (2)
- April 2008 (2)
- March 2008 (2)
- February 2008 (1)
- January 2008 (1)
- December 2007 (3)
- November 2007 (3)
- October 2007 (3)
- September 2007 (1)
- August 2007 (2)
- July 2007 (4)
- June 2007 (2)
- May 2007 (3)
- April 2007 (1)
- March 2007 (2)
- February 2007 (2)
- January 2007 (3)
- December 2006 (1)
- November 2006 (1)
- October 2006 (1)
- September 2006 (3)
- August 2006 (1)
- June 2006 (2)
- April 2006 (1)
- March 2006 (1)
- February 2006 (1)
- January 2006 (1)
- December 2005 (1)
- November 2005 (2)
- October 2005 (1)
- August 2005 (1)
- July 2005 (1)
- April 2005 (2)
- March 2005 (4)
- February 2005 (2)
- December 2004 (1)