Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Managers

[Jim Bruce is a Senior Fellow and Executive Coach at MOR Associates.  He previously was Professor of Electrical Engineering, and Vice President for Information Systems and CIO at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, MA.]

It is wonderful to have a good boss, one who is understanding, supportive, provides challenging assignments, shows an interest in you and your work, etc. You get the picture. I have had two such excellent bosses in my career. They were great and were real partners with me in getting the work done. However, that is not always the case.

Most of us will encounter a difficult manager or two (or perhaps more) in our careers. I had two in my 40 years at MIT. One never seemed to follow through on his important commitments, and the other always had the “right” approach or answer, which too often wasn’t. Also, on my list are two additional individuals who often fell asleep during one-on-ones. One of these fell asleep while I was interviewing him as a candidate to be my boss. (When I told the individual, who would become this person’s boss, about the candidate’s falling asleep, he responded that he had that problem too. I already knew that as he had fallen asleep in previous meetings with me.)

Traits That Bad Managers Commonly Exhibit

These include:  

• taking credit for your work and that of your team.
• not empowering those who work under their direction.
• not supporting you in front of your team and your clients.
• not caring if you are overloaded or have impossible deadlines.
• never giving you exciting or challenging assignments.
• not setting clear expectations.
• avoiding conflict or sweeping problems under the “rug,” etc.
• knowing “everything…”
• micro-managing
• having poor listening skills.
• caring about themselves.
• saying it’s my way or the highway…
• ensuring blame is always (and often publicly) focused on someone else.
• not respecting the staff.
• lacking self-awareness.

In spite of this list’s length, it is not exhaustive. I’m sure that you have other examples to add from your own experience.

I see two big takeaways here: First, it is very likely that there is no way you can escape working, at one or more points in your career, for a difficult manager who exhibits some of these characteristics. And second, when this happens, you need to feel compelled to ask yourself “what do I do” and get an answer to your question, and not just ignore what’s happening or run for the door.

Though we are very likely to think of our bosses as being good or bad, Mary Abbajay, president and co-founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, a woman-owned, full-service organizational and leadership development consultancy, suggests that it is not helpful to think of bosses and managers in that way. Rather, as career coach Sarah DiGuilio suggests, you should think about your manager in terms of three qualities: Is he or she organized? Does he or she help get things back on track? And does he or she deliver on the goals of the organization?

DiGuilio also notes that an effective manager supports the people they are managing, values these people, listens to them, coaches them, and cares about their engagement and their well-being. She also notes that managers listen, are honest, trustworthy, and hold those who work with them accountable and provide support where needed.

So, what do you do when dealing with difficult managers?  There are three general answers to this question: You can complain to your manager’s manager, you can find another position at your present (or another) employer, or you can work to make your current situation better. Our focus here will be on the latter, making your current situation better.

What specific things can you do to be more effective in dealing with difficult managers?

6 Strategies for Dealing With Difficult Managers  

1. Take care of yourself. This begins by clearly defining boundaries and holding fast to your principles. Those define who you are. At a minimum, get enough exercise, spend time with your family and friends, and get enough rest each night.
2. Understand your manager as much as you can. Don’t make assumptions about what he wants or doesn’t want, ask. Don’t make hints about what you want or need. Be direct, ask. And, just because your boss says that he or she will deliver on your request, they sometimes, perhaps even often, won’t. You will have to rely on your judgment as to whether, and how, to ask again. Not delivering may be your boss’ way of saying no.
3. Carry out your assignments to the best of your abilities. Your excellent work is your best “weapon.” Take pride in the professionalism and quality of your work. Your good, timely work and the professionalism through which it is done make you, your boss, and your group look good to your clients. This is valuable. And it creates your reputation, something a difficult manager can never take away from you.
4. Always add value. Lead by example, show up with integrity, be professional, don’t let your difficulty with your boss impact your work or your relationships with your clients or others. 
5. Make specific requests. Difficult bosses often don’t take feedback well, often don’t handle assumptions you may make about him or her and what he or she wants or would be okay. So, ask. For example, rather than assume you can ask a colleague on another team for help, it would likely be better to go ahead and ask your boss. 
6. Deliver on your commitments, both large and small. Reliability is an important trait to have regardless of circumstances. If you cannot be reliable, don’t assume that your manager won’t notice or that it will be okay. Be up front as far in advance as possible. Explore options that you have considered with your manager, and ask for advice.

Dealing with difficult managers is a challenge. It can be nerve-wracking; it may make you want to scream and cry. It can also be a time when you really grow. And, it may be a time when you decide you have to go, and there is absolutely no shame in that.

If you are currently working for a difficult manager, I trust that you will find this essay helpful. I wish you every success as you continue your journey, whether you stay or move to your next opportunity.

Do all you can to make it a good week for you, your team, and your manager.

.  .  .  .  jim

Other Reading:

1. Mary Abbajay, Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. John Wiley & Sons, April 2018.
2. Forbes Young Entrepreneur Council, 12 Traits Bad Bosses Have in Common, Forbes, September 2018.
3. Jared Shelly, Managing Up: 10 Ways to Deal with a Bad Boss, Catalyst by Convene, undated.
4. Ron Carucci and David Lancefield, Every Leader Has Flaws. Don’t Let Yours Derail Your Strategy, Harvard Business Review, September 2021
5. Jim Clemmer, Bad Boss: Learn How to Manage Your Manager, The Clemmer Group, undated.