Today’s Tuesday Reading is from Jessica Kunstman, Director, Organizational Change at Yale University OPMO and a MOR program participant. Jessica may be reached at [email protected] or via LinkedIn.
At the start of my MOR leadership journey, I set one big goal: to improve how I communicate so that I could better meet the needs of those I work with. I quickly realized this isn’t a quick fix—it’s a long-term shift in how I think and act. Honestly? It’s hard. And tiring.
That’s why my most recent workshop felt so helpful. The conversations, tools, and examples we explored pushed me in the right direction. This goal of mine—being a more adaptive and intentional communicator—will be a lifelong effort. And let’s be real: it’s tough to slow down when life feels like it’s moving at lightning speed. Between work, an always-on culture full of nonstop information and messages, a generally high energy personality, and two little kids calling “Mom! Mom! Mom!” before and after work (seriously, have you seen that viral video where a mom counted how many times her one kid said “mum” in a day—234 times?!), it can feel like I’m on a constant roller coaster.
And in that chaos, it’s easy to lose the ability to truly connect—with coworkers, with teams, and sometimes even with myself. One of the biggest lessons I’m taking with me from MOR is the power of learning to pause. It sounds simple—but it’s not easy.
Why Learning to Pause Matters
We learned that pausing is an intentional leadership act. Whether it’s before responding to a hard question, making a big decision, or entering a difficult conversation, pausing gives us time to think, breathe, and realign.
Here’s what pausing can do:
- In communication: A pause helps us listen fully, instead of rushing to respond.
- In conflict: A pause can calm things down and create space for empathy.
- In leadership: A pause shows maturity—it tells people we’re not making decisions on impulse.
- In relationship building: slowing down enough allows us to really see each other and understand each other’s needs.
What I’ve Learned From Leaders I Admire
Looking at the leadership team at my institution, the people who really make a difference aren’t always the fastest talkers. They’re the ones who:
- Ask thoughtful questions like “What’s really going on here?”
- Say things like “Tell me more” instead of jumping to conclusions
- Wait until the end of a meeting before sharing really insightful feedback
- Recognize others and build connection before jumping into the agenda
I’m trying to follow their lead. It’s a work in progress, but here are a few things I’ve started doing:
How I’m Practicing the Pause
- Visual Reminders
I returned from the recent workshop and taped two notes on my wall—just simple reminders to slow down and be present. - Active Listening
I’m practicing not filling every silence. It’s uncomfortable! Just yesterday, I led a meeting with a struggling project team. I wanted to jump in and rescue the conversation. Instead, I let the silence sit. It was hard—and afterwards, a trusted colleague told me he could see me “squirming in my seat”. Baby steps…. - Delaying My Response
If I get a tough message or feel triggered in a meeting, I try to take a step back and wait before I react. It doesn’t mean I can’t feel what I feel, but perhaps “let it go” might be the better solution. - Check In, Not Just Check Boxes
I’m working on asking more thoughtful, curious questions—not just the ones that keep a project moving.
Final Thought
For me, learning to pause is a real shift. It’s not flashy. It takes work. But it’s one of the most powerful leadership tools I’ve found. Because when we slow down, we don’t just think better—we connect better. And at the end of the day, relationships are what make things work—in business, in leadership, and in life.
How could you best “practice the pause” in the coming week?
Understanding population demographics:
- 53% said not enough
- 31% said the right amount
- 16% said too much
Most of us feel we are not investing enough in understanding changing demographics. While last week’s article provided a great primer, the big follow-up questions are “so what?” and “now what?” Understanding the implications, determining a desired future state, and charting the course of action to get there is the essence of strategic thinking.