Today’s Tuesday Reading is from Kyle Unruh, Director, Data Services and Solutions at Unizin. Kyle may be reached at [email protected] or via LinkedIn.
Anyone in a leadership or managerial role has likely experienced the sting of leadership failures at some point in their career. Maybe it’s the product launch that didn’t land, the meeting that went sideways, or the difficult decision that backfired. These moments are painful, often public, and unavoidable. They’re the “arrows” of leadership life: sharp, sudden, and inescapable. But in many cases, the deepest wound doesn’t come from the setback itself. It comes from what we do after. This is what Buddhism calls the “second arrow.”
The parable is simple but profound: the first arrow is the inevitable pain of life. The second arrow is the suffering we pile on by resisting, judging, or blaming ourselves for that pain. By recognizing when the second arrow strikes and refusing to buy into it, leaders free themselves to respond with clarity, resilience, and even gratitude for the growth hidden in failure.
Translating this to our careers, the first arrow is the setback – an error in judgment, a failed initiative, a tough piece of feedback. These moments sting, but they’re part of the natural fabric of leading. The second arrow is what comes next: replaying the moment on loop in our minds, berating ourselves, spiraling into “I should have known better,” or allowing one mistake to define our work for the rest of the week. We cannot always avoid the first arrow. We always have a choice in whether or not to fire the second.
Awareness: Recognizing the Second Arrow
The first step in avoiding the second arrow is awareness. We must learn to notice when thoughts shift from dealing with the reality of a setback to layering it with mental anguish: racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, irritability, or lack of energy and appetite.
Mindfulness is an effective antidote. When a setback occurs, pause and ask: Am I experiencing the pain of the first arrow, or am I shooting myself with the second? That single question creates space between the event and a reaction.
Awareness doesn’t eliminate pain – it simply prevents us from compounding it.
Practical Strategies for Avoiding the Second Arrow
How, then, can leaders practically avoid the second arrow? Here are five strategies that I’ve found to be effective in my own career journey:
Name It (personally, this one is my anchor!).
The simple act of labeling the experience—“This is the second arrow”—disrupts its hold. Naming gives us distance from our thoughts and emotions, making them easier to manage.
Practice Self-Compassion.
Self-compassion isn’t indulgence; it’s fuel for resilience. A brain that beats itself up isn’t a brain that can expand and evolve.
Adopt a Growth Mindset.
I often learn more from failure and shortcomings than I do from success. Success feels better, but it fades. The outcomes of my personal career failures will still occasionally play in my head. However, I frame these as catalysts for growth and change. When I think about a previous failure, I’m grateful for the assurance that I won’t repeat it.
Model Vulnerability in Your Team.
Leaders who own their mistakes openly and without shame create cultures where others feel safe to do the same. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability underscores its role in building trust and fostering innovation.
Build Micro-Recovery Rituals.
Just take a break! Small practices—such as a brief walk, deep breathing, or jotting down “lessons learned”—help leaders reset after setbacks. Recovery rituals signal to the brain that the event is complete, reducing rumination.
These strategies don’t eliminate the first arrow. But they ensure that the wound is not made deeper by the self-inflicted suffering of the second.
Conclusion
Setbacks, failures, and disappointments are unavoidable in leadership. They are the first arrows, piercing and often painful. But the greater danger lies in the second arrow – the cycle of self-blame, rumination, and judgment that follows.
Leaders who develop awareness of the second arrow gain freedom. They respond to setbacks with clarity rather than confusion, resilience rather than retreat. They see leadership failures not as verdicts on their ability but as a gift—an opportunity to learn, grow, and lead more authentically. Further, leaders who reframe adversity as opportunity not only improve their own well-being but also increase team engagement and innovation. The next time we face a stumble in our leadership journeys, pause and ask: Am I wounded by the first arrow, or am I shooting the second? In that moment of awareness lies the power to transform pain into wisdom and failure into the very thing that makes us stronger, more compassionate leaders.
When facing setbacks, failure, or disappointment, how often am I shooting the second arrow?
Last week, we asked if you think technology is your institution’s top challenge, and if you feel confident in your institution’s ability to navigate the digital transformation of higher education.
| Confident navigating | Not confident | |
| Tech is top challenge | 54% | 15% |
| Not top | 20% | 11% |
69% of those responding to last week’s survey believe technology is their institution’s top challenge. Of those leaders, 78% feel confident in their and their institution’s ability to navigate that top challenge. According to a survey earlier this year, this represents greater confidence than education and research institution leaders in general, where 57% believe technology is the top challenge and only 40% feel confident in the ability to navigate this change. Why the gap? There are many potential reasons, all of which speak to the importance of conversation and alignment between technology leaders and other leaders at an institution.
Editorial Note: This is the last Tuesday Reading of 2025. Our next Tuesday Reading will be in January.