Today’s Tuesday Reading is from Christian Schmieder, Assistant Director for Data Governance at the University of Wisconsin-Extension and a MOR program alum. Christian may be reached at [email protected] or via LinkedIn.
A friend recently gushed about the benefits of incorporating cold showers into his daily routine. I was intrigued – and maybe a little envious. I’m not really comfortable with cold water, but my friend said I shouldn’t worry: “You’ll get used to the cold after doing it for a while.” So I gave it a try. My mental model was: If I do this more regularly, the water will feel less cold. But no matter how many brisk rinses, cold showers never feel warm. After a while, I simply decided I wasn’t a cold shower person.
Connecting with people at large meetings, social functions, and conferences feels like a cold shower to me. In the past, I would do it if I had no other choice. It frustrated me that it didn’t feel any more comfortable over time. I observed others excelling at connecting with others in a crowd. I’d watch colleagues smoothly slip through a room, shake hands, and tap shoulders. I’d observe them effortlessly connect with everyone from the new student worker to the Dean. I used to think: “I would totally do this – if somehow it felt more comfortable, more natural.”
Through MOR, I learned that I had approached both networking and cold showers from the wrong angle: When I’m challenging myself to an uncomfortable task, action, or decision, the goal isn’t to make it more comfortable. Instead, the goal is more comfort with discomfort. The point of practicing cold showers isn’t to make the water feel warmer after the 100th time. But after 100 cold showers, I’m more comfortable with the experience of discomfort. And that is a superpower – because I can apply it to many challenging situations I face as a leader.
I recently put this new mindset to the test. I was out of town for a workshop. The night before, about 40 of us met for a mixer. In the past, I would have lingered with colleagues from my home organization. Instead, I went from table to table, briefly chatting with everyone, asking questions, then moving on to the next group. Sitting at the fourth table felt just as uncomfortable as the first. But instead of worrying about being uncomfortable (and subsequently giving up), I focused on becoming comfortable with the discomfort. I kept going. And by the end of the evening, I had connected with every person at every table.
From this experience, I took a few lessons that apply to many challenges and uncomfortable things I do in my professional and personal life.
1. I don’t have to be comfortable with something to do it successfully.
Comfort is not a measure of success. I initiated several valuable relationships during that mixer. The way I showed up helped me expand my network, and it helped me feel much more connected when we met the next day for our workshop.
2. My comfort zone does not define my identity.
Stepping into a cold shower or a room filled with strangers still sends shivers down my spine. That’s OK. And: It does not have to define me. I don’t have to label myself as “not a cold shower person” or “not a big crowd person”. I can choose to do the uncomfortable.
3. Others don’t see my discomfort – they see my actions.
The day after the mixer, several people did not believe me when I told them how uncomfortable I was at the mixer. They assumed that I was comfortable with what I was doing – just as I had assumed in the past that the people I observed working a crowd were doing this because they were comfortable.
4. Discomfort is a sign of lasting growth.
If a task or activity does not feel entirely comfortable, chances are I am learning and growing. Conversely, discomfort is not a sign of failure or inadequacy.
5. It’s important to recharge.
Doing uncomfortable things is exhausting work. My batteries were empty after the first workshop day, so I allowed myself to skip the second night’s social activities. That way, I could show up with a good presence on the last day.
6. I recognize the work other leaders put into their presence.
I’ve grown a greater appreciation of the work that other leaders around me do – because I no longer assume they do what they do because they’re comfortable with it.
This shift in mindset has changed how I approach not just networking, but many leadership challenges that push me outside my comfort zone. Cold showers never feel warm, and walking into a room full of strangers may never feel easy—but that’s not the point. What matters is that I now recognize discomfort as an opportunity for growth, not a stop sign. No matter how cold the water feels.
Which would you most want to do?
Last week, we asked where you could use the most work in the time ahead:
- 33% said engaging in challenging conversations when needed.
- 28% said developing your team.
- 28% said continuing to build your network.
- 11% said demonstrating and emphasizing accountability.
In last week’s leadership check-in, we identified a number of critical leadership issues we each want to work to address. As you work toward those, think about ways to become more comfortable with the discomfort those may introduce for you, and the opportunity for growth it presents.